The Art of Communication For Climbers: Advocating your needs & strengthening belayer partnership through Non-Violent Communication
Captured by Nick and Bekah Andrew at the 2021 ClimbWell Retreat in Utah.
There are fundamental practices of effective communication when it comes to rock climbing. Many of these you may already know, like establishing your commands (“climb on,” 3 tugs, etc.) or using your partner’s name at a crowded crag. But there are subtle layers to the practice of relating that can transform your climbing capacity and experience.
Trusting your belayer or communicating what you need may be the difference between sending a heady project versus holding yourself back. Learning how to relate, express and stay open to feedback, especially in delicate moments of high-stress or serious emergency, is a skill that can save you. As climbers, we choose to play with an inherently risky sport, and simultaneously we are gifted endless opportunities to craft the mental fortitude and resilience to navigate the landscape of fear and uncertainty. It is natural that walking the fine line between challenge and danger, conflict and communication can break down in the face of fear. Yet the challenge zone is also fertile ground for growth and transformation, and can offer the space for honing skillful communication in moments when mindfulness might succumb to habituated reactivity.
Communication is a requisite for all relationships…
be with one’s belayer, partner, friends, family and greater community (even extending to animals, plants and the land). It is a subtle art with many underlying components that can offer a lens of how to better understand and advocate for yourself, while learning to honor and strengthen the relationships with those around you.
There are many psychological, spiritual and relational frameworks that exist to help humans hone the art of communication. It is a nuanced practice and certain techniques may resonate with one person and not another. Language is rarely simple and often laden with a multiplicity of meaning, informed by one’s own history and social identities. As human beings we share core truths that are colored by our own experiences. This is important to remember when relating.
So where to begin? Welcome to a several part series on communication and relationship building. We’ll explore guiding principles nested in various frameworks, adapted not only for climbing but for greater connection and authentic communication in all aspects of life.
The following is informed by Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a practice that emphasizes deep listening and identification of needs as a bridge to greater empathy and compassion. Through NVC, one learns to observe with clarity, attune to the emotions one is experiencing and discover how to communicate needs devoid of judgement, blame or power play. It has been used for reconciliation in many settings from intimate relationships to work place, prisons and more.
Here is how we can use these principles in the context of climbing to strengthen our communication, support ourselves and our partners on the rock. As you read through, consider how you might apply these principles not only in climbing, but in other aspects of your life.
1. Invite mindful observation.
Be a witness rather than a reactive participant. Often in a given situation, the mind makes sense of an experience and filters it through the lens of our own personal histories. It can be easy to imbue bias onto circumstance. A climber who once took a traumatic fall due to a loose belay may hold unconscious judgements toward another belayer with a similar stance. Similarly, a person who was frequently subjected to yelling fits as a child may assume that because their partner is yelling their partner is angry, when that may not be the case. In this principle, we are invited to step back and observe what we are hearing and and noticing in the moment, devoid of ascribing meaning to the situation. This is mindfulness. Paying attention to the here-and-now as a witness. When your climber says ‘take,’ rather than saying to yourself ‘they must be pumped or scared,’ simply observe without judgement and acknowledge what is occurring. Awareness and observation is separate from evaluation.
2. Check in with your emotional landscape.
What are you feeling at the moment? How is your body expressing? What sensations are arising? Are you scared, excited, annoyed? Discerning how one feels is a skill. It starts with observing what is arising and is followed by finding the words to express it accurately. This can pose a barrier to many who default to blanket term descriptions (i.e. saying “I’m tired” can feel like an easier response than “I feel unfocused and resistant to working through communication”). Another common barrier is that we often say what we think rather than what we feel. For example, one might express “I feel like I’m going to fall” rather than “I’m feeling scared of falling.” An important aspect of relating effectively is how you express what you feel. If you communicate a feeling while implying that your partner is making you feel that way, it creates ground for defensiveness and further conflict. Try expressing your emotions without blame or judgement, speaking for your own experience. Feelings are different from beliefs, opinions and interpretations.
Check out the Feelings Wheel for a robust visual of words we can use to describe feelings.
3. Identify your needs
This can be challenging for many of us, as we live in a society that “shoulds” all over us. Dominant narratives and media dictate how to look, feel, behave and more. Identifying needs requires a depth of listening that is beneath our habituated and socialized ways of thinking, and to access this requires a critical lens and mindfulness. One example of a need in climbing is to feel safe; knowing that your belayer is attentive and ready to catch a potential fall. Sometimes this need may show up in the request “watch me!” A need often speaks to a universal truth and value.
Here as an inventory of needs you might reference.
4. Express a clear request
Once you’ve identified your need, the final step is requesting support for this need in a clear way. A request is different from a demand; it is an invitation that is a realistic action, met in co-creation and deliberate teamwork. Your request requires your own advocacy. Nothing ventured, nothing gained; if you do not ask for what you need, you will not receive the support to proceed. Some climbers appreciate verbal encouragement when at the crux, others want reminders to breathe or silence. If you are aware of a need and request prior to climbing, it helps to state this before questing forth.
Here’s a subtle tip: Communication does not always have to be verbal. In fact, sometimes in high stress circumstances or environments where listening is a challenge (i.e. crags next to waterfalls, rivers, oceans), it may be easier to communicate requests through body language and gestures. Consider establishing a few non-verbal requests prior to climbing (i.e. pointing downward to lower, swirling your finger to take in slack, etc.)
Essentially, this last principle invites you to be your own advocate. Part of being an effective communicator requires taking responsibility, advocating for oneself and often expressing needs that may not always feel comfortable to express.
The above are the four core parts of NVC: observations, feelings, needs and requests. They offer one framework for cultivating empathy, understanding and connection.
Communication and its refined counterpart of listening is a learned skill. An underlying thread of these principles requires mindful attention and abiding presence - two practices that have the ability to transform everything we do. Explore how you might use these principles not only in your belayer partnership but also in your relationships outside climbing.
Stay tuned for more frameworks, practices and tips in this series: The Art of Climber Communication.
Written by Gaby Colletta | www.gabycolletta.com | @wanderingvayu